Écrire avant d’avoir tout digéré… méditations de la nuit
Il est bientôt minuit quand j’écris, 23:47 pour être précise.
Entre fêtes de famille, rencontres en amis, et journée de tournage, cela fait plus de deux jours que je n’ai pas écrit. Même dans mon carnet.
Et ce n’est pas faute de manquer de thèmes, mon cerveau m’emmène dans diverses directions.
Parfois des moments sont tellement riches qu’il faut le temps de les digérer pour en tirer le message.
Comme quand tu manges un bon repas. On arrête la métaphore là ? 🙂
Tout l’après-midi j’ai réfléchi à ce que je voulais mettre sur papier, ce que je voulais capturer.
Ce que je voulais mettre dans la petite capsule de mes écris, marquée à ce jour, à cette date.
Et il y a… tellement de choses.
Parmi les thèmes qui m’ont visitée…
- La mort, et le fait que l’accepter est le meilleur moyen d’apprendre enfin à vivre…
- Le vide et l’attente qui se crée, et la foi à déployer en grand : quand on écoute son âme, tout va…
- Le fait de m’autoriser à m’entourer. D’accepter que je peux être au centre de mon art, et que des personnes peuvent faire le choix de m’aider.
- Le choix d’être dés-occupée. J’ai parfois tellement de difficultés à faire pause, à débrancher. C’est comme si je croyais que tout allait s’écrouler si ça arrivait.
- Le fait de rester en couple pour raisons économiques – je lis en ce moment un livre qui est une version d’Orgueils et Préjugés, dans une société pakistanaise où, quand tu n’es pas mariée, tu es économiquement et socialement en danger, et avec des amies, nous parlions d’à quel point cette indépendance économique était importante pour nous, et pour nos enfants. Ne pas pouvoir quitter un couple parce que tu n’as pas d’argent, c’est la réalité de tant de personnes.
Je pourrais aussi te parler d’amour. D’à quel point chaque jour qui passe je vois la puissance du couple, comme troisième entité. Une troisième entité qui a sa vie propre, et à laquelle nous devons faire confiance.
Je pourrais te parler d’un de mes rêves qui est en train de devenir réalité, et de toute l’attention que je mets à garder et maintenir la vision.
Je pourrais te parler de mon lancement de Femmes Riches et Puissantes, et comment il me fait travailler ma foi, et ma clarté, car ‘pendant’ ce lancement, je suis tellement en train de changer que je dois tenir une ‘autre’ vision : que malgré tout ce qui se joue en moi en ce moment, les personnes qui doivent se joindre à nous viendront. Je maintiens mon coeur ouvert grand pour t’accueillir si tu en fais partie 🙂
Et en fait, en écrivant tout cela, je réalise que le seul thème de tout ça, c’est à quel point, ces derniers jours, j’ai dû m’abandonner à la vie. Laisser la vie me traverser et lui faire confiance. L’autoriser à m’emmener là où je dois aller.
Et honnêtement, XX, tu sais que ce n’est pas la première fois que ça arrive. Les dernières années ont connu leurs lots de hauts, de bas, de tsunamis et de changements de vie, mais à chaque fois, c’est pareil, c’est comme si toutes les cellules de mon corps se transformaient en même temps, et que je devais m’accrocher dans le tourbillon.
Ah.
Comment on fait tourner une société dans un tourbillon comme ça ? Comment on poursuit l’écriture de livres ? Comment on maintient une intimité avec son partenaire ? Comment on trouve des moments pour soi, pour faire pause et respirer et ralentir ?
Quand tout se passe tellement en même temps qu’on n’a pas les mots pour expliquer ce qui se passe concrètement.
Bien sûr, dans quelques semaines je pourrai te narrer mon mois de juin en te disant : voici chaque chose qui s’est passée, qui explique hyper clairement tout le déroumlé.
Or je ne peux pas aujourd’hui.
Et c’est ça aussi.
Certains auteurs te diront qu’ils n’écrivent que ce qu’ils ont déjà digéré. Car ainsi, si des critiques viennent derrière, ils pourront assumer.
Et je croyais ça aussi. Que je préférais attendre et passer ma vague, pour ensuite écrire et publier.
Et maintenant je me dis : pourquoi ne pas écrire le désordre aussi ? La confusion ? Les émotions ? Les choses qu’on ne sait pas. Le flou.
Ce n’est pas vendeur, je te l’avoue. C’est clair que c’est plus marketeur de livrer des certitudes… j’aimerais te dire qu’à tout instant, j’ai tout compris à la vie.
Mais c’est loin d’être le cas.
J’apprends, comme toi.
(Parenthèse : je me demande ce qui serait différent si chaque marketeur écrivait, publiait, comme s’il n’avait rien à vendre « la vraie âme du marketeur »)
Deux choses me viennent en tête en disant ça.
La première, j’ai vu passer un commentaire sur Instagram qui disait que l’un de mes posts « encourageait les relations toxiques et de la dépendance affective. ». Et je me suis dit : wow, cette personne ne me lit vraiment pas. Et ça m’a fait réaliser qu’on a beau écrire et parler et publier, il y aura toujours quelqu’un pour ne voir qu’un millième de la réalité… et ne pas chercher à en savoir plus (conclusion : on ne peut vraiment pas agir pour le regard des autres).
La seconde chose qui me vient à l’idée est à quel point quand on est public, on attend que notre ‘rendu’ soit un minimum parfait. Et que quand il ne l’est pas, alors quelque part, ce n’est pas pro. Cela nous discrédite et on a la peur de perdre la confiance. Mais alors, on s’éloigne de l’expression. Ou pire, on est dans le jugement de notre propre expression.
Intéressant…
Même les posts que j’écris dans le flow, dans un Uber ou entre deux rendez-vous arrivent à avoir un message, et à « faire » quelque chose. Je me rends utile même quand je suis pressée.
Sauf que, la réalité de ma vie c’est que je n’ai pas toujours la clarté. Comme tous les êtres humains, parfois je vis le truc et seulement après je comprends. Et je le vis avec un panel d’émotions.
En ce moment ces émotions sont un mélange d’excitation et de confusion et de mélancolie et de légère panique.
Le désir principal est celui de l’observation. D’être vraiment présente à ce qui est, dans le moment.
J’ai les yeux un peu embués quand j’écris et je ne saurais dire pourquoi.
A cette heure ci, alors qu’il est minuit dans trois minutes, je m’autorise à écrire n’importe quoi.
A vous emmener dans le coeur du cyclone avec moi.
Plein d’amour,
Lyvia
PS : je suis curieuse, si tu devais retenir ‘une’ chose de ce message, qu’est-ce que ce serait ? Tu peux répondre en commentaire.
PPS : Femmes Riches et Puissantes démarre demain (lundi) !!! En t’inscrivant aujourd’hui, tu as accès aux bonus immédiatement, et au module 0 qui est un intense module de préparation. A lui seul, il a créé de nombreuses transformations !!! Ce module c’est la fondation de comment je vois la vie, et le fait d’accueillir ce que l’on sent être prévu pour nous. Tu peux t’inscrire aujourd’hui pour avoir toute la semaine devant toi pour finir le module de préparation http://lyviacairo.com/femmesrichesetpuissantes
Ceci dit, j’ai senti que certaines d’entre vous auraient besoin d’un peu plus de temps, et probablement moi aussi 🙂 Alors j’ouvre les inscriptions à cette session jusqu’au 2 juillet !
Je vous rappelle que nous ne savons pas quand / si aura lieu une nouvelle session. Alors si vous vous sentez appellé-e, c’est le moment !
Je termine à Minuit 2. C’est parfait 🙂
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